pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
