I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
