How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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