i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
