This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
