I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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