so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
