you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
