We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
