and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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