allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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