We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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