There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
