he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
