I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
