Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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