Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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