but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
