don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
