saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
