Christians are straight up FREAKS
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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