btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
