If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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