I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
