i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
