my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize