Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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