I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
