Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
