Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
