She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
