Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
