Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
