i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
