Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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