loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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