just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
