I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
