Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
