whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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