Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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