What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
