There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
