My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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