whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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