i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
