Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
