We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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