i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
