I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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