i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
