i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
