I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
