hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
