there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
