Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
