His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
